My Money and My Mouth / by Alan Strathman

Well I have been given a great opportunity.  What opportunity is that you ask?  It is the opportunity to put my money where my mouth is (though I have always hated that stupid idiom).  Several times in the easy days before I left for the PC, when talk was cheap, and platitudes were common, I said: If you don't sometimes wonder what the hell you have gotten yourself into, it's not a life-changing experience.

Today I was blessed with confirmation that this is, indeed, a life changing experience.  Hooray for me! 

As is typically the case with bad days (and arguments), I can't tell you exactly what started it. And I don't think I can describe it in a way that would make any empathetic reader understand why I am feeling what I am.  I just am.

I can tell you though that my bad day was not caused by the feeling that I might not be a good Primary English Literacy Co-teacher. I still think I could be.  For some reason today I started to think that I might not be able to demonstrate to the PC that I could be a good PELCt.  I have to create a teaching portfolio, I must teach some mini-lessons, and then there is a week of model school (whatever that is). None of that should be a problem.

But I think I am stressing over having to distinguish myself during training among a group of 31 others.  I am not good in big groups; I tend to disappear.  I think in smaller groups it is easier for me to find my place and in bigger groups like the one I am in I can't get a sense of where I belong.

So, that's it I think: Today I felt unable to find my place, to distinguish myself, to feel comfortable in my own skin  (sounds more like I'm journaling than blogging). And, really, you should all be thinking, "Blah, blah, blah."  I know, I agree.

And of course the good news is that I am having a life-changing experience.